Once upon a time, you were just an idea your parents had before they created you. You were a decision they voted “yes” to and you were not a mistake or accident but a most cosmic symbol of purpose. When you were born, unconditional love filled the room. Everyone fawned over your perfection and knew you’d be destined to do great things. The universe conspired to bring you into the world and would certainly get you to where you needed to be. There was hope and a great big world for you to conquer and you would do that.
As you grew up, life began to show you its uglier side. Not that your childhood was terrible. In fact, your environment continued to be positive, nurturing, supportive and, above all, loving. But as it happens, fate spares no one and even the most blessed individuals are susceptible to bad luck. There was a lot of sickness and death early on in your young life. Your parents did their best to shield you from it all, but you were an observant little being. Thoughtful. Anxious. Scared. I think early on, something clicked internally that made you lose a little of your sparkle. You saw just how rough it could be, how fast it could all change, how incredibly gut-wrenching loving and losing are. And you experienced that a lot earlier in life than most.
You kept moving on though. Your heart and shoulders felt heavy at times, but you always persevered, sometimes with very little faith in yourself and usually with a stomach ache because you never liked transitions.
And somewhere down the line, you lost your sense of self-worth. That’s the biggest thing. You started to associate your identity to the relationships you formed with men. That was (and still is) the biggest obstacle you face.
You wear your emotions proudly but some people take advantage of that, and it’s hard to say “no” at times when you lead with your heart. The passion you possess for life is contagious and you attract all sorts of personalities, but more often than not you find yourself hurt rather than happy. I think now you’re starting to realize how precious your time and energy are. How it’s not worth it if it doesn’t completely move you. That if you’re not totally excited about it, then you cannot give your all. This, in turn, has hurt others, and you carry guilt from those encounters.
So let me be clear. Let me be perfectly honest and open because I think you’re ready to hear it:
YOU ARE WORTH EVERYTHING AND THEN SOME.
Repeat that and repeat that often. Stop relying on other people to define you, because you have the power to influence, to change, to inspire. And your light is constantly dimmed or brightened by a man. Your value is tied directly to someone’s interest in you when, in reality, they should be thanking YOU for inviting them into the depths of your soul which is rich and full of some of the greatest treasures one could possibly find. You possess strength, grace, determination, openness, and an insane capability to love. You need not hide all these characteristics in order to please another. Don’t dumb yourself down. Use big words. Let people and experiences and dreams go that don’t fulfill you. You’re no stranger to loss. Love fiercely but take no shit. Be honest and open. Keep being yourself.
Above all, you are OK on your own. As just you. As “Brianna, party of 1.” You’re not lonely, just alone, and even that’s somewhat untrue because you’ve manifested a huge community of friends all over the place. You were born to two independent parents who taught you it’s fine to play alone, eat alone, be enough alone. And while you’re probably still thinking this is a load of crap, you believe it deep down. The fire in your eyes burns. You’re getting ready to embrace your truth and the best is yet to come.
Breathe easy. Take even inhales and exhales and reset. Allow yourself the space to enjoy you. It’s been awhile.
Remember that feeling of hope when you were born and how the entire universe conspired to get you here on purpose. You’ve still got a whole wide world to conquer.