“Eventually, it fades. The dull drumming in my head, it subsides. I can rest. Be active. Go out into the world. Be as normal of a human as possible.
I am sometimes afforded several hours or even days where I can focus. My ears don’t ring and I sleep OK. Not great but not terrible meaning I don’t wake up in the middle of the night in a panic thinking of all the things I should be doing and don’t.
But then it’s back to business. I am forced back into a shell of a person I created with my alter egos and we share the space. Not equally. But we manage.
I’m grateful for her generosity in letting me have the good days. It makes the bad ones seem not so permanent, like I’ve still got a shot at experiencing joy.
Like I’ve got a chance at a real life.”