two sides.

I forget you’re standing there
watching me bite the skin around my nails
as my eyes go blank
but my mind stays sharp,
sensitive to all the noise,
all the sounds,
all the colors.
I forget how daunting this may seem,
to watch someone you love
tense up in what is a seemingly normal situation for most.
Like a child sleepwalking in the middle of the night,
your single touch will jolt my body
from a place
that keeps me almost paralyzed
in a state of constant anxiety.
You try and alleviate the pain
by playing me familiar songs
or gently speaking to me
about that time I’m forgetting to remember
because I am so focused on just breathing.
Nothing in particular stands out
but everything is sharp around the edges
and I wish I could tell you
what puts me in this trance
but I’m still figuring it out for myself
and have yet to discover the answer.

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2 thoughts on “two sides.

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