(Receiving encouragement from one of my longest friendships. Love you, Bear!)
(Enjoying coffee & exchanging natural oils for muscle pain with another one of my dearest friends. Love you, MJ!)
Today’s Tuesday, February 17th. I have been waiting for this day ever since I signed up for yoga teacher training (YTT). Once again, I am a student in the classroom, an observer, a note taker, a keeper of a journal, and responsible for reading assigned chapters from a textbook.
I didn’t write my usual Monday post because 1) I was swamped at work and 2) I was completing HOMEWORK (!!!) in preparation for class tonight. There are approximately 461 emotions running through my body right now and an electric current runs up and down my spine whenever I think about YTT.
But even with all of the excitement flowing through my veins, I’m terrified. The past several weeks have left me feeling uneasy and emotional. I’m embarking on (hopefully) a career I am utterly passionate about. When I first came to the yoga studio nearly three ago, I was a completely different person–anxious, self-loathing, unhappy with how life was unraveling. I saw all my friends engaged, married, having babies–moving on with their lives while I sat waiting for a sign to fall into my lap to remind me I am not like others.
You see, if you read my mom’s Valentine’s Day post from this past Sunday, you will get a sense of how I was as a child. Stubborn and choosy and always marching to the beat of my imaginary drum line, individuality always prevailed over conformity and as I got older, I saw how important it was to stay true to my very core of being. When yoga was introduced to me, I found a home in the studio, sometimes doubling up on classes on the weekends because I never wanted to leave. I let yoga into my life with the intention of never letting it leave.
So I approached my benefactors (AKA family members) with the idea of becoming a yoga teacher. Before I could finish why I wanted to teach yoga, some people started asking me how I could survive on teaching alone, if their were real benefits, that I should probably just stick to being a student instead of an instructor. But the problem was I didn’t believe anything they were saying. I wanted to teach and I was going to do it, even if that meant picking up a second job to cover the cost of the program. I had never believed in something so fiercely. This was my time to start making dreams into a reality no matter what.
Let me preface with this–I am, by NO means, wealthy. I can’t even consider myself moderately comfortable. I live paycheck to paycheck and I’m OK with that…for now. In college, I didn’t have the chance to study abroad or fly to Mexico for Spring Break like so many of my friends because I was working two jobs to put myself through school. When I graduated, I opted living at home to help my mom out with bills when a good chunk of my friends were moving to the city and working in these fabulous careers. Sure, I traveled a bit and went out to nice restaurants and could shop for new clothes, but yoga teacher training is the first thing I am doing for MYSELF.
Naturally, the nerves stem from my past incidences with “Crap, this is so much money…maybe I should quit…I’m sure we could use this money for something else…” and then, the feeling of guilt sets in. But both family and close friends have reassured me this is what I have to do and at the end of the day they’re right.
I’m ending this post because I want it to be two-fold. I want to share my first experience in the studio as a trainee/student with all of you tomorrow. 🙂 And if anyone has any great snack ideas, I’m pulling a 15 hour day every Tuesday and will need to stay full! Suggestions welcome.